Can You Spare A Little Change?

Real life reared it's ugly head yesterday and sent my dear friend Mary Jo to the emergency room with a burst appendix. The whole ordeal lasted almost 12 hours and I'm sure felt like a life time to Mary Jo. She came through it great, but they said if it had happened 30 years ago she probably would have died. It brought back a lot of memories for me sitting in emergency rooms with my sister when she had colon cancer or with my mother when she was suffering from her pulmonary hypertension. By the time I got out of the hospital I was hungry not only physically, but emotionally. My friend Shannon and I went out to a restaurant and I knew that I just didn't want to worry about the points. I just wanted to eat my dinner and enjoy a beer. In my head I knew that I was overindulging a bit, but because I was aware of how I was feeling I allowed myself to do it while still feeling in control. I had a steak, but instead of fries I had potato wedges. I didn't clean my plate, but I did drink my entire beer and it wasn't "lite".  What a rebel!

It's hard sometimes, not to fall back into old habits. We find comfort in the familiar so change is uncomfortable. When something changes in our lives that we have no control over we try to surround ourselves with things that will make us feel better. We tend to eat things that give us that immediate gratification. It's a false sense of control. The truth is that in the long run it makes you feel more out of control because you've let your emotions over ride your rational thinking. I know those fries aren't good for me and I will regret eating them...later...but right now, it's going to make me feel better. Unfortunately, that doesn't work. In the long run, we continue to "pay" for those fries months and even years later. It's like credit card debt. I think I'm still paying for something I bought back in 2000 for $25 only now at the inflated price of $50 including interest. All you're left with is a lot of extra stuff that will follow you around your whole life until you decide to let it go.

 I really wanted to go for some comfort and I did, I just didn't over do it. We are all human and we won't always make the right choices, but being aware is half the battle. The thought of not carrying around this weight both physically and mentally is my saving grace. Everyday I make a choice to change my life for the better. It's not always easy, but I find that I'm nicer to myself and more at peace. It's the gift that keeps on giving.