Can You Spare A Little Change?

Real life reared it's ugly head yesterday and sent my dear friend Mary Jo to the emergency room with a burst appendix. The whole ordeal lasted almost 12 hours and I'm sure felt like a life time to Mary Jo. She came through it great, but they said if it had happened 30 years ago she probably would have died. It brought back a lot of memories for me sitting in emergency rooms with my sister when she had colon cancer or with my mother when she was suffering from her pulmonary hypertension. By the time I got out of the hospital I was hungry not only physically, but emotionally. My friend Shannon and I went out to a restaurant and I knew that I just didn't want to worry about the points. I just wanted to eat my dinner and enjoy a beer. In my head I knew that I was overindulging a bit, but because I was aware of how I was feeling I allowed myself to do it while still feeling in control. I had a steak, but instead of fries I had potato wedges. I didn't clean my plate, but I did drink my entire beer and it wasn't "lite".  What a rebel!

It's hard sometimes, not to fall back into old habits. We find comfort in the familiar so change is uncomfortable. When something changes in our lives that we have no control over we try to surround ourselves with things that will make us feel better. We tend to eat things that give us that immediate gratification. It's a false sense of control. The truth is that in the long run it makes you feel more out of control because you've let your emotions over ride your rational thinking. I know those fries aren't good for me and I will regret eating them...later...but right now, it's going to make me feel better. Unfortunately, that doesn't work. In the long run, we continue to "pay" for those fries months and even years later. It's like credit card debt. I think I'm still paying for something I bought back in 2000 for $25 only now at the inflated price of $50 including interest. All you're left with is a lot of extra stuff that will follow you around your whole life until you decide to let it go.

 I really wanted to go for some comfort and I did, I just didn't over do it. We are all human and we won't always make the right choices, but being aware is half the battle. The thought of not carrying around this weight both physically and mentally is my saving grace. Everyday I make a choice to change my life for the better. It's not always easy, but I find that I'm nicer to myself and more at peace. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

Knock, Knock...

Last night my WW guru Rosie, who is just fabulous, asked me what's going to make this time different from any other time I've tried to lose weight. You know, I had to really think about it. When I first started the program a couple of weeks ago my first reaction was not to tell anyone. It would just be my little secret. Eventually my friends would figure it out because I would have lost a ton of weight and, best of all, I would have done it all by myself. What was I thinking?  I was thinking that if I didn't tell anybody I wouldn't have to be accountable if I was a failure. Everything I put in my mouth wouldn't be judged. If I don't admit it then it must not be true. I had to really take a leap of faith and put it all out there. So what did I do?  I started a blog. At first I only told a few close friends and family. I figured if I failed again, only a few people would know about it, but after a few submissions something changed. My friends were giving me this wonderful feedback about how much they enjoyed my writing and how I was inspiring them in their own lives. It was such a confidence booster. I realized that someone's always willing help you open that door, but you have to knock or no one knows you're there. I wasn't use to asking for help. I have a great circle of friends and family I just simply didn't know how to ask. The other night at the meeting when I was telling my story about taking care of my family and finally taking time to take of myself, they all applauded. It was really overwhelming. I felt like they embraced what I was talking about and I felt safe.

So here's a little story that really explains best why I think it's going to work this time. I went to Hawaii a few years ago and my friends wanted to go snorkeling. I had never done it before and was really looking forward to hanging out in the water checking out all the amazing fish.  My friends were really patient with me. One of them held my hand while I tried to float and stick my face under water. I'm claustrophobic and this was just too much for me. We tried and tried, but I couldn't do it! I was about to give up and then I had a little conversation with myself. I said "do I really want to do this?" I really thought about it.  Finally, I understood that it wasn't fear standing in my way,  it was me.  I thought "yes! I really want to do this!" So I put the mask back on and went for it! It was truly incredible and I'm so glad I did it. It was an empowering experience and a lesson I often use.

So why is this time different? I'm opening myself up for success, not failure. I feel the love from perfect strangers and I like it! I comfort myself with friends, not food. I give myself time to feel hungry and know that it will pass. I plan my meals, but I don't obsess. I knock on doors and know that someone will answer, but most importantly, it's something I really want to do it.

How did I do last week? I lost 4 lbs, not bad for a somebody who was having a tough go at it. My grand total is 7 lbs. so far. I'm not just feeling thinner, but I'm also feeling the weight of world finally lifting off my shoulders.

Learning Curves Ahead

Going out to restaurants and food trucks is a big source of entertainment for me. I love going out with friends. I love to sip on a cocktail, have great conversation and eat wonderful food. It's a whole package for me. What can I say, I'm a foodie whose trying to lose weight.  It's a tough combination, especially when you're trying to change how and what you eat. In the beginning of anything you're trying to succeed at, it's best to avoid temptation until you've got a few weeks under your belt. Not to say you can't go out and have a meal, but it's best when you can plan ahead. I read in my WW book that if your going out with friends and it's about the visit then don't make it about the food, but if it's about the food then go for it! They give you extra point a week to use anyway you wish. If you know you're going to a party or out to an event, use all your points for that and don't worry about it.


I know I was going out dinner with friends, but we were also going to a restaurant that was famous for their ribs so it was a go for it night. Planning ahead is what makes all the difference.  The problem for me was that I had a birthday brunch at the end of the week and wanted to save a few points for that as well.

The week started out bad. I forgot my lunch. No worries, but that was also the night I was going out to dinner. We went for Thai that day and I have to say I restrained myself from that delicious peanut sauce and didn't rack up too many points. Dinner was actually a breeze, because I was prepared. I had the ribs (yummy!) and took them home and had the rest over two more lunches that week. Left overs are not my favorite so that was a huge for me! The next day I unexpectedly had dinner at an iltalian restaurant with my nephew nad his family and my old frenemy pizza. Pizza is my go to food that I'm always in the mood for. I'm not much into the cheese factor, but I love a crispy crust with just a little burnt cheese on top. This pizza was no where near that, but it was, in all it's glory,  pizza. I had a slice and a lot of salad, but it was difficult not to just "go for" another slice.  Even though it wasn't about the food I was making it about the food. The next day was lunch out with a client. No problem. Crab Louie salad, dressing on the side. Although, the warm sourdough bread that came to the table was difficult to pass up but I just focused on the conversation and before you knew it, the food arrived. That night was a get together at a friends house, so I ate at home knowing that I would have a glass of wine. She had ordered food for the other ladies and guess what it was? That's right, she invited my friend pizza. This time I was armed with a full stomach and it was much easier not to eat it. I did have an extra half a glass of wine and for the points (4 points for a slice of pizza or half a glass of wine) I could have had the slice of pizza so a better choice? I think so.  By the time I got home Friday night from work, I was depressed and hungry. I had not eaten a lot of protein or carbs that day. I was trying to fill up on salad and fruits and veggies so that I could save my extra points for Sunday brunch, but I realized that you have to use your points for protein and not a granola bar.

It was a week of really paying attention to how I live my life. Going out for a meal on a whim. Visiting with friends and having great food. Knowing that I can pass on that piece of pizza because it will always be there tomorrow and the next day and the day after that. Feeling a little depressed and not just going for comfort food,  but for food that will nourish me. I am armed and ready for brunch tomorrow. This will be about a beautiful day in Santa Barbara with my best friends and a mimosa. Nourishment for the soul taste better than a slice of pizza any day.

I Think I See The Light

I'm one week and 3 pounds down. My goal is 5 pounds a month. I don't think that's asking too much and I think it's pretty attainable. I'm learning a lot of things that I've had to learn by myself like being accountable for everything you do, whether it's what you put in your mouth or what you charge on your credit cards. You and only you are responsible, unless you're married, then you may inherit that credit card bill. So be careful if you are married! I am not married so good for me! And good for you too, because you're not married to me and don't have to be responsible for my being fiscally irresponsible, but that's another story for another day...

So I cleaned out my refrigerator on Saturday. It was full of sauces and dressings and pickles and relishes and things that I'm not quite sure how they got there, but I'm sure they served a purpose at some point in their long career in the back of the shelf. It wasn't spoiled food, it was old condiments and things like that. Really, there was nothing much to eat just a lot of food that filled the empty void, I mean space. So I cleared it all out. I wish I had taken a "before" picture, because it looked like a deep dark cavern. I had no idea what was lurking in there. I was a little frightened to be perfectly honest. I'm sure I completely freaked out my house cleaner when she opened the fridge door.  I can picture her just staring into the white void and wondering what happened to all that stuff? It looks great in there now. I can see everything on each freshly cleaned glass shelf. There's not much to see really, because there's not much food to look at and I like it like that! It's just filled mostly with things I'll be eating with in this week. Milk, arugula, cottage cheese, etc. I can literally see the light inside the fridge. I see the light! I think everybody should do this at least once a month, actually, maybe that's probably what most people do. I'm the only one who cleans it out once a year. Little by little I'm clearing a path in my journey to no more excess stuff! Fresh pickles and olives for everybody!

29 Points and Counting

So it's been 5 days and I have to say, all in all, not so bad. I realize how often I grab for just a handful of this and a couple of these and a mini one of those. It really adds up, literally! Changing the way you eat is such a mind game. You have to trick yourself into thinking that you will be satisfied with an apple and an ounce of cheddar cheese when you really would like to eat that mini Twix Bar. The funny thing is...you are satisfied for a longer time than if you stuffed that candy bar in your mouth.  So it does work, you just have to be patient.

It's strange, because I lost my sweet tooth a few years ago. I use to be a chocoholic.  I even worked in a candy store when I was in my early 20's called "The Nutty Chocolatier". We ate candy all day and I didn't gain any weight. I think it's because we would just taste a little of this and a little of that. One of my favorite things they did was dipped fruit, especially the dark chocolate dipped lemons. The sweetness of the chocolate with the tanginess of the lemon was a great combo.

Which explains why I got into a salty/sweet battle. You know, a couple of M&Ms and a salty pretzel...and then another M&M...pretzel...on and on. Now I just crave salty. I'm not sure why, but I think my body is telling me something, although I don't salt things. Weird. 

This is the first time I've done Weight Watchers with a specific event in mind. I don't think that I'm going to make my goal by May, but I think I will have lost a big chunk. I'm excited about that. I usually get to a place and think "If I had only started that diet 6 months ago, I wouldn't be this weight right now!" I'm looking forward to the future. What a concept.

Let's Weigh The Issues

Here we go! 

I started Weight Watchers yesterday. This is not the first time I have uttered these words, but it is the first time I saw that number on the scale staring back at me! Yikes! Hopefully that will be the last time I see that number, although I must say that it is a well rounded number, such as myself, and will be very easy to calculate when I will reach my 10 and 20 percent weight loss.  You do not need a math degree or calculator for that matter. I'm sure we can all guess the number, but I'm still not writing it down!

So they have a new "Points Plus" system that is suppose to be revolutionary! All I know is that there is secret to dieting that most people won't tell you. Are you ready for the secret? It will change your life! Okay, here goes. The secret to losing weight? You must eat less food than you are eating right now. Doesn't even have to be healthy. I just read about some guy that lost 50lbs. on the "Twinkie Diet". Really? Really! So eat less food. Now the secret to any diet plan? Are you ready for this one? You have to do it. That's it! You just have to follow the diet and you will lose weight.

Now, nobody said it was easy. And you will be hungry from time to time,  but what's wrong with being hungry? I mean, you will eat again, I promise. I think we've all gotten away from what food really tastes like. When was the last time you ate a potato without anything on it? Do you really know what a potato tastes like? It's really delicious! For me, there is an appreciation for food that I've forgotten. The pleasure of eating a really good piece of fruit or enjoying the texture of a spoonful of sweet, creamy caramel flan.  I'm looking forward to re-establishing my relationship with food and trust me when I use the word "relationship".